Credentials Aren’t Enough—What the Right Training (and a Good Fit) Really Looks Like

When Mark and Jenn first reached out to us, they were exhausted.

They had already seen three different therapists. “They were nice,” Jenn told me during our intake call. “But none of them got it.”

One counselor told her to stop checking Mark’s phone because it was “feeding her anxiety.” Another suggested that Mark find a new hobby to help him manage his urges. A third seemed more interested in improving their date nights than helping them unpack the rupture caused by Mark’s pornography addiction and Jenn’s deep sense of betrayal.

“They just didn’t understand what we were going through,” she said.

And sadly, that’s not uncommon.

Good Intentions Aren’t Enough

Let’s be clear—most therapists and coaches are deeply caring professionals. They want to help. They are trained to listen, reflect, and offer insight. But in the realm of betrayal trauma and compulsive sexual behavior, general education is rarely enough.

You need someone who understands the landscape you’re walking through.

Someone who doesn’t just hand you a workbook or talk about “trust issues,” but who knows how to guide a couple through the layered, painful, sacred work of healing after betrayal.

Mark and Jenn weren’t asking for perfection. They were simply asking for a guide who had the right tools—and who knew how to use them.

Training That Actually Matters

Most therapists, coaches, and even marriage counselors receive little to no training in areas like:

• Betrayal trauma

• Sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior

• Full disclosure processes

• Partner-sensitive recovery

• Phase-based couples restoration

And that’s why so many well-meaning professionals miss the mark. They rely on traditional models that may be helpful in general relational distress but are inadequate (and sometimes harmful) in the wake of betrayal.

That’s why we look for professionals trained by organizations who specialize in this work—groups that have developed protocols, research-backed practices, and ethical frameworks tailored to the unique complexities of sexual integrity issues and relational betrayal.

Here are three of the most respected:

APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists)

APSATS offers the industry-leading training for working with partners who’ve experienced betrayal trauma. Their approach is built around the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model™, which recognizes that betrayal trauma is not just a relational issue—it’s a trauma issue. APSATS-trained professionals are skilled in helping partners find emotional safety, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild trust without minimizing their pain or rushing the process.

IITAP (The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals)

Founded by Dr. Patrick Carnes, IITAP created the Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) model. IITAP provides deep clinical training in treating sexual addiction, including assessment, disclosure preparation, relapse prevention, and recovery planning. CSATs are uniquely equipped to support both the addict and the couple with evidence-based tools and frameworks.

C-SASI (Christian Sex Addiction Specialists International)

C-SASI offers biblically grounded, clinically informed training for those working in recovery from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Their emphasis on compassion, clinical integrity, and spiritual care makes them a vital resource for faith-based couples seeking support that honors both their relational healing and their values.

But Even That’s Not Enough

Training matters. But training alone won’t heal your relationship.

Credentials don’t hold your pain with tenderness.
Certifications can’t look you in the eye and help you feel safe.
A resumé won’t sit in the hard moments and say, “You’re not crazy. What you’re feeling makes sense.”

What matters just as much as training—sometimes even more—is fit.

What Does “Fit” Actually Mean?

You’ve probably heard that you need to find a counselor or coach you feel comfortable with. That’s true—but in the context of betrayal recovery, comfort alone isn’t the goal.

You’re looking for someone who can:

• Understand your story without minimizing it
  You shouldn’t have to teach your counselor what betrayal trauma is. You shouldn’t feel dismissed, pathologized, or told to “let go” before you’re ready.

• Challenge you with compassion
  Good recovery work isn’t just comforting—it’s confronting. You need someone who will speak the truth in love, who won’t let you stay stuck in shame or avoidance.

• Work with both of you—not just one of you
  Too often, betrayed partners are coached separately, or the betraying partner becomes the sole focus. But true healing requires both partners to be supported, challenged, and engaged in the process together.

What Makes Our Team Different

One thing many of our clients love about working with us is this: every one of our coaches has walked this road personally.

We know what it’s like to be shattered by betrayal—and we know what it takes to heal.

We don’t offer cookie-cutter solutions or generic advice. We offer something more powerful: lived experience paired with expert-level training.

And our work is not isolated. We coach couples as couples. That means your healing isn’t happening in a vacuum. You’re not sitting in a room with someone who only knows half the story. You’re supported by a team that works together—men with men, women with women, couples with couples—to walk through this process in a deeply relational way.

Many of our clients tell us that just knowing their coach has “been there” helped them lower their guard, trust the process, and feel less alone. It’s not about perfection—it’s about empathy, integrity, and shared hope.

How to Know You’ve Found the Right Fit

It’s okay to take your time. Interview potential coaches or therapists. Ask about their training—not just in general therapy, but specifically in:

• Disclosure processes

• Partner-sensitive care

• Recovery from compulsive sexual behavior

• Trauma-informed practices

Pay attention to how you feel in the room or on the call. Do they make space for both of you? Do you feel seen and safe? Do they honor the gravity of your story, or are they trying to fast-forward to “fixing” things?

And most importantly, are they invested in your relationship’s healing, not just one individual’s performance?

Final Thoughts: Your Healing Is Worth More Than Credentials

Mark and Jenn eventually found a couple to work with—two coaches trained in APSATS, CSAT, and C-SASI protocols, who had also walked through betrayal in their own marriage years before.

Six months in, Jenn reflected:

“For the first time, I felt like someone got it. They weren’t shocked by our story. They didn’t shame us. And they didn’t rush us. They walked with us—and they taught us how to walk with each other.”

Credentials matter. Training matters. But in this kind of work, you need someone who brings both skill and soul—someone who knows the path not just because they’ve studied it, but because they’ve walked it.

We would love to connect with you and help you find your best support. If you would like to set up a call with a member of our team you can sign up using the button below.