Creating Connections Blog

Intimacy Ignited: The Intimacy Killers We Don’t Mean to Use
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

Intimacy Ignited: The Intimacy Killers We Don’t Mean to Use

After betrayal, intimacy can fade not just from overt harm, but also from more covert behaviors, including: pressure, entitlement, rushing the process, and coping with shame. Learn the unintentional behaviors that quietly kill intimacy in recovery, and how creating safety sets the stage for reconnection.

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Intimacy Ignited: What Snuffs Out Intimacy Before We Even Notice
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

Intimacy Ignited: What Snuffs Out Intimacy Before We Even Notice

February, a month often focused on love, can be a tender time for couples healing from betrayal or disconnection. Discover how intimacy is quietly snuffed out through patterns of demand and duty—and how freedom, desire, and choice create space for true connection again.

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What to Look for in a Trustworthy Husband
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

What to Look for in a Trustworthy Husband

For betrayed partners, one of the hardest questions is knowing whether a husband is truly becoming trustworthy again. This post provides a clear roadmap, using the Intimacy Pyramid framework, for identifying the difference between performance and real change. You’ll learn what congruence looks like, why humility and accountability matter, and how emotional availability shows up in everyday life. Drawing from betrayal trauma research and real client stories, this blog equips partners with practical ways to discern whether their husband is showing genuine transformation. If you’re searching for signs of hope and safety after betrayal, this guide offers clarity and reassurance.

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Receiving Feedback as a Gift on the Road to Trust
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

Receiving Feedback as a Gift on the Road to Trust

Feedback is often painful, especially for men in recovery who feel like their progress goes unnoticed. But what if feedback, even when it stings, is one of the most powerful tools for rebuilding trust? This blog examines why defensiveness destroys safety, how to slow down reactivity, and how to hear the truth inside your partner’s words. Combining psychological research, growth mindset principles, and practical tools from the Intimacy Pyramid, you’ll learn how to transform feedback from a source of shame into a catalyst for growth. By handling feedback with humility, you send one of the clearest signals that you’re becoming trustworthy again.

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Building Safety Through Consistency, Not Control
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

Building Safety Through Consistency, Not Control

When trust has been broken, safety is the foundation for rebuilding. But too often, men fall into the trap of trying to control outcomes—managing how their wives respond—rather than focusing on consistency. This post explores why control undermines recovery, and why small, reliable actions matter more than dramatic promises. Drawing from real coaching experiences, relationship research, and the Intimacy Pyramid, you’ll gain practical steps for becoming dependable without manipulation. Learn how safety grows one consistent choice at a time and why this steady approach creates the soil for real trust and intimacy to flourish again.

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The “Trust Me” Trap
Sarah Berthely Sarah Berthely

The “Trust Me” Trap

Discover why the common “trust me” approach after betrayal often backfires, and what men in recovery can do instead to rebuild safety and intimacy. This blog unpacks the dangers of performance-based recovery, where promises and checklists replace genuine transformation. Through client stories, practical tools, and the Intimacy Pyramid framework, you’ll learn how to shift from seeking approval to embodying honesty and consistency. If you’re tired of trying harder but getting nowhere, this post offers a new perspective on becoming truly trustworthy in the eyes of your partner.

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Building Integrity: Using Intention, Reflection, and Accountability
Matthew Raabsmith Matthew Raabsmith

Building Integrity: Using Intention, Reflection, and Accountability

When you’ve lived through destructive choices—whether it’s sexual addiction, infidelity, or any other behavior that’s robbed you and those you love of safety and trust—you learn quickly that rebuilding your life isn’t just about quitting a behavior. It’s about becoming a different kind of man. Integrity isn’t something you can fake or shortcut. It’s built, brick by brick, through the way you live, think, and relate to others every single day.

Over the years, in my own story and in the hundreds of men I’ve coached, I’ve come to see three essential ingredients that create lasting integrity: intention, reflection, and accountability. Each one addresses a blind spot that keeps us stuck, and together they form a framework for sustainable change. Let’s walk through each.

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Breaking the Conflict Cycle: Part 4
Matthew Raabsmith Matthew Raabsmith

Breaking the Conflict Cycle: Part 4

If competition and compliance are the survival modes of conflict, cooperation is the path to healing and intimacy. Cooperation is about shifting from “you vs. me” to “you and me”—a choice each partner must make individually before it can transform the relationship. This blog explores what cooperation looks like in practice: honesty without attack, listening with curiosity, balancing give and take, and seeking solutions that serve both partners. We also share how our clients use The Four Steps, a regulation tool we teach, to pause reactivity and return to conversations with clarity. Drawing from research, we highlight how the strongest relationships are often forged by facing tough external challenges together—like a championship team rising under pressure. Betrayal recovery, as painful as it is, can become one of those challenges that builds resilience and deeper connection when faced with cooperation.

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