Who Do We Want to Become in 2026? A Vision-Casting Guide for Couples in Recovery
A New Year, A New Identity
Every January brings a question: Who do we want to be this year? But for couples recovering from betrayal, that question carries a different weight. You’re not just setting goals — you’re reshaping a marriage.
After betrayal, you’re not simply “rebuilding” something old.
You’re creating a new relationship, one that never existed before.
That’s why vision-casting matters so deeply.
Not a list of resolutions.
Not promises fueled by shame or fear.
But a picture of who you want to become — individually and together.
So let’s start 2026 with clarity and courage.
Why Couples Need a Shared Vision
I once coached a couple who began the year saying, “We just want to stop fighting.”
By February they were fighting about how to stop fighting.
Why?
Because avoiding pain is not a vision.
A vision is something you move toward, not something you’re running away from.
A shared vision creates:
Direction: a sense of where you’re going
Alignment: a shared understanding of what matters
Energy: something worth sacrificing for
Hope: a reason to keep doing the hard work
Without vision, recovery feels like putting out fires.
With vision, recovery becomes a journey you take hand-in-hand.
A Personal Story: Our First Year With a Vision
The first year of our recovery, we didn’t have a vision — just fear. Everything felt reactionary. I was working to stop the damage. She was trying to survive the aftermath.
But the year we created our first shared vision? Everything changed.
Our vision wasn’t complicated:
“We will face hard things slowly, not defensively.”
“We will tell the truth even when it's uncomfortable.”
“We will practice small moments of connection every day.”
“We will fight for us, not for being right.”
It was simple.
But it gave us something to move toward together.
When we got triggered, we revisited the vision.
When we drifted, we revisited the vision.
When we fell back into old patterns, we revisited the vision.
It didn’t fix everything.
But it anchored us.
A shared vision gives couples a North Star — a way to say, “This is who we are becoming.”
The Four Domains of a Relationship Vision
Most couples make the mistake of focusing solely on behavior: sobriety, communication, conflict. But the best visions focus on character and connection. Here’s a framework you can use:
1. Who We Want to Be as Individuals
Ask:
Who do I want to become this year?
What version of myself does healing require?
What old patterns am I ready to release?
This is about identity, not performance.
2. Who We Want to Be as a Couple
Ask:
What words do we want to describe our relationship in December?
What do we want our emotional connection to feel like?
What do we want to create more of — safety? laughter? honesty? tenderness?
Paint a picture.
3. How We Want to Walk Through Hard Moments
This is where couples often get stuck.
Ask:
How will we handle triggers this year?
How will we return to safety when we rupture?
What will we no longer do (shutdown, avoid, react fast)?
These commitments keep growth grounded.
4. What We Want to Practice Consistently
Vision isn’t achieved through inspiration.
Vision is achieved through consistency.
Ask:
What two or three practices will anchor us this year?
What will we commit to even when it’s inconvenient?
What rhythms create connection and depth?
Small habits shape a marriage.
A Guided 2026 Vision-Setting Ritual
Set aside 60 minutes this week. Sit together. Light a candle. Hold hands. Slow your breathing.
Then walk through these steps:
Step 1: Reflection
Each partner answers:
What hurt the most last year?
What healed the most?
What surprised you about your partner’s growth?
What do you want more of in 2026?
Share slowly. Don’t rush.
Step 2: Imagination
Ask:
If our relationship felt safe and connected at the end of the year, what would be different?
What would the tone of our home feel like?
What would our communication look like?
How would we treat each other?
Let yourselves dream.
Step 3: Craft Your Vision
Using the four domains, write:
3 identity statements (who I want to be)
3 relationship statements (who we want to be)
3 process commitments (how we’ll walk through hard moments)
2–3 anchor practices (what we’ll practice daily/weekly)
Step 4: Choose a Word or Phrase for 2026
Examples:
“Brave Honesty”
“Slow and Safe”
“Softening and Strengthening”
“Truth and Tenderness”
“Going Deeper to Grow Closer” (your theme)
Let this word define your year.
Closing: Your Marriage Is Becoming Something New
You are not who you were before betrayal.
You are not who you were last year.
And you will not be the same people twelve months from now.
This year is an opportunity —
not just to heal the marriage you had,
but to build a deeper, wiser, softer, more courageous relationship than ever before.
Start by answering one question together:
Who do we want to become in 2026?
